It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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