how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
