In America we eat man semen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Shame - the story of my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
