I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
