Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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