I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize