Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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