no, he came in my armpit
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
