DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
