Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize