you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
