You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
