I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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