I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
