my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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