my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
