I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
