Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There r osticjed everywhere
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
