It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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