so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
