imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
