When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
