Whod you bang
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
