She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
