ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
