How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
