he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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