I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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