spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
