sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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