hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
