I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
