If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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