I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize