My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
