would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
