Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
