if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize