Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
