Yo dont text me then not text me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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