I wish I could punch you in the face.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
