My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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