Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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