I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
