Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
