Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
