dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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