Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
