So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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