Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
