hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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