yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
