Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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