why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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