you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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