CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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