Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
