true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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