her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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