Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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