the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
