ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
