i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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