dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
