coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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