You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
