I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
