fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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