Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
